Dinoshark

28 Jul

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Having recently lent the atrociously bad Dinocroc vs Supergator to a couple of friends at work, they responded by purchasing me Dinoshark as a birthday present. That’s right, this film was given to me as a gift. An actual offering for an event usually considered worthy of celebration.

Briefly then, Dinoshark is about a monstrous, predatory sea beast that appears to be some kind of Dinosaur – Shark hybrid (that’s where they got the name from. Clever, eh?) Having been a dormant species for 150 million years, the baby Dinoshark is awoken by a broken chunk of Arctic glacier that fell away due to global warming, or something like that. He swims off to Mexico. The why’s and wherefores aren’t too important. Anyway, three years later the beast is killing humans left, right and centre. The protagonist, Trace (Eric Balfour) takes it upon himself to hunt the killer.

I knew before I started watching this movie that it was going to be bad. What I wasn’t expecting though was how utterly humourless it was going to be. When I saw the aforementioned Dinocroc vs Supergator, I at least got a laugh out of the lack of quality. Although it was obvious the film largely knew how bad it was, there was something mildly amusing in it’s levels of bad science and poor visuals. Unfortunately, Dinoshark can’t even live up tothat exceptionally low benchmark.

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I tried to keep at the back of my mind that this movie knows how bad it is. There have been a glut of films of this nature recently; Super Shark, Two-Headed Shark Attack, Dinocroc to name a few. They obviously have some level of popularity for them to be churned out at the rate they have been, but it has left me baffled. Some critics seem to think that Dinoshark is destined to be seen as a classic B Movie, as if it’s nod to other movies in it’s genre holds some kind of charm. Well, it doesn’t.

The story is atrocious, the dialogue is appalling and the acting is embarrassing. If it seems like I’m taking a humourless approach to this review, then it’s because I am. Somebody has actually been paid a (hopefully minimal) amount of money to make this film. Actors, actual actors have taken these roles and presumably received a wage for it. They don’t deserve it. They don’t deserve to ever act again for stooping this low. There are ‘actors’ who appear in almost entirely redundant roles, for as soon as they appear on screen you know they will be eaten within 60 seconds.

In an ideal world, there would exist a real Dinoshark that could eat anybody who had anything to do with the production of this film. Having now seen two films of this kind, I hope that I am done with them forever. This is a charmless, humourless, worthless piece of rubbish that deserves never to be viewed by anybody. In fairness to my friends, they did buy this as a joke present (I think), and it was also accompanied by Citizen Kane, Dr. Strangelove and Thirst. They’re good people really, despite this evidence. Dinoshark does achieve one thing though, it becomes the only film on this little blog of mine to fail to earn a single mark.

0/10

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One Response to “Dinoshark”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Sharknado | I Liked That Film - August 31, 2013

    […] something shorter, my friend uttered words that sent a shudder down my spine; “I’ve still got Dinoshark recorded”. My head went into my hands, before I took a deep breath, made a significant adjustment […]

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